Name:
mahesh.v Bdae:
20december MSN:
mahesh_2020@hotmail.com
Layout By
|CHC|
(Last Update 31.07.04)
i dunno about how much can past mould a person's present n future.... mine will...i hope 2 dear god... i cant be livin a life that i cant possible feel is goin in da right direction... i hav made many mistakes... making them sins by carrying out such acts even if i know they were wrong..is it the animal in me i might never know for i fear 2 confront them... i accept them but i cant face them... for facing them puts me in the v verge of desperation and anger that will cause me 2 do something stupid... therefore i pray i can turn this around.... though turnin back clock would be more preferable but wat can a simpleton like me 2 do...2 b practical and logical was never my strong points...i worked with instincts... looks like they onli work on movies where the hero is immortal.... seein myself in a mirror doesnt reli reflect me but in turn it reflects my sins... the pain i cause 2 a great many ppl...
u know one of those days where u go through several experiences that somehow cause u 2 do soulsearching at a superficial level.... well if u dont then dont bother u ll come across it one day.... on the otherhand 2day was one of those days for me....i have 2 admit.... at 2am i finally realised the things i took for granted in my life while doin my revision for BIO MOCKS which i know i m gonna fail.... hell i didnt know bout glycolysis till 2day morning let alone all the nervous system and da option topics.... that made me think of how unorganised and lazy i am.... not the i never realised but 2day it wuz kinda sad 2day though.... went 2 college and had my routine chem lab mishaps in the process broke a stupid glass apparatus... overshot my second titration .... then came by BIO without fail i continued my luck of the day into da mocks failing 2 ans a ten mark question.... didnt wanna irritate her with loads of my crap.... havin john next 2 me strugglin 2gether was comforting yet pathetic.... just in between this 2 melodramatic class period john , wai kit and me had our first experience of puffing.... and god did we huff and puff like hell we suck 2 much coz its our first time and kam eng was laughin his ass off!.... though we kinda did somethin stupid out of curiousity it just occured 2 me how fun was it doin things weird or stupid with ur frenz....after a long time i finally did somethin this weird with my collegemates.... we did things like this in first term where all of us were closeknitted homeboys hanging out in a six hour lan lesson... bondin together that was hell of time and only 2day i saw flashes of that once happy times i spend... mayb i m beginning 2 realise how true are wai kits words on how much we all hav changed.... yeah wai kit i m finally realising that i hav spend 2 much time forgetting who i really am and building up something whilst taking for granted somethings that are so precious..... at least were precious 2 me at one time... same thing goes for han lin sorry dude no offence... but thats the truth man we hav forgotten who are and onli show flashes of it right now... i dun wanna give examples coz i found it out and if u dont then u still hav realised wats happenin around u... were busy talkin of how we want 2 be treated by the opposite sex but do we really need so much from them...i mean y should i be distrupting my lifestyle for ppl whom care for their life and prioritise their lifestyle more.... i m talkin about myself right now.... i m not being self- centered or taking it out on anybody i m simply confessing the mistakes i hav made and feel sad over it thats it.... talking with john , recalling my past experiences i realised that how i will one day remember my past and i want somethings good 2 think about ..... i m happy i hav frenz like john,wai kit,han lin, teddy and kam eng most of the time... the teach me new things everyday ... i hope it goes bothways.... no doubt i know less then all of them in mostly everything i hope if there is a chance i can enlighten them on anything when the time comes i will do so without fail..... for my mistakes i think they ll end here! and right now.....
its just weird when small things at our present brings us back 2 a memories dat are decades old....i mean no matter how long it has been its like it happened yesteryear.... i still remember how i kinda threw up on a stubborn gal who didnt wanna move in kindergarten.... fell in a ditch on the way bck from scool (best part i got a good seat al for my self...).... how i had a freak accident with a badminton racquet.... how my granny forced me 2 learn 2 ride a big BMX bike, suceeding afterwhich i was bought a TRICYCLE!....how i came bck one a auspicious day with doggy mudprints all over my scool shirt.... got slapped for that.... how i got my nickname on da first day at my secondary scool(had 2 live with dat for five years)... how i scored my first goal....luck... first free throw.... three pointer....layouts and of coz dunkin la... barely! how my scrap street soccer team reached the finals....my god... how i and fadza kept da gals guessin wat makes us funny with all the guys... how me and nick copied for our comp finals under the teachers nose... damn pro... how i trash talk with andy,vince,chris and kevin.... haha got da whole class in stitches man!!! yeah fadza those old days rite.....we thought sayfol how 2 march .... so proud when they told us 2 show em rite..... jatin and his mirrors..... chicken solution... remember da water fight.... haha well comin bck 2 wat i m talkin bout... lil things like a hair pin can make us go a long way bck.... a thing ur bro does makes u remember wat u did a long time rite.... well thats wat makes us humans... we hav the opportunity 2 treasure memories... good or bad... when remembered can give a big smile or tiny tear rite... it shows of dat little humanity in us....in this big big world where we never stop being ruthless and vicious.... i loook bck and regret of wat i hav left behind.......... but never forget it coz memories are experiences dat superficially carve our past present and future..... i know this u shoul remember dat 2.....
yeah dats wat i m talkin bout..... fame is humans greatest leisure and misery.....
no matter wateva it is..... u push ur self 2 the limit... so that ur the man 2 beat ... but the truth is ur not doin it for urself but for ppl 2 realise u exist... turn and hav good looook at u and admire wat u hav done..... for dat one loook of realisation ppl walk backwards from kl 2 singapore,sprain their ankles playin soccer like mad in spain,and of course publicize their 20 years difference in lovelife 2 promote their movies... seriously the things ppl 2 do fame.... would u believe if i said dat a women has married 94 times and a guy has married 104 times at the last count .... they wer so happy that they made it on newspapers.....we hav micheal jordan....struttin btw golf and bball 2 just get bck 2 da age old air nike glory days... then we hav marion jones pushin more than wat is required after we all knowin bout da doping she denies..... we hav concrete crises in the beckhingham palace after da sex scandal rows that hit a few tv channels for exhange of a few MILLIONS! we hav paris hilton the rich whore socialite who hit it big in comp screens and silver screens with a big bang (pun not intended)... seriously would u actually video ur one nights stand and sell or talk bout it on live show with Jay leno.... wat crap... i so pissed of these ppl i mean this ppl in directly affect us at superficial level.... we are given the assumption we can and must do anythin for fame...... we must push the limits existin 2 b recognised.......from the mallika sherawanth cleavage baring incidents till aamir khans premarital sex scandal.... wat world we live in ppl....haih
hi ppl i m bck so soon from my latest blog well its all for da good isnt it well 2day is offically my last day of hols.... i m bck 2 college then... 1st of all i ll like 2 say sorry arial for not bringing u 2 prom..... even though its expensive like hell... and thanks for being ther for me during da hols i really appreciate u... secondly ill thank ms jaslinder 4 ruining my entire hols for havin classes then causin me 2 cancel my trip 2 singapore dat lady i swear man screws up everythin 4 her own convienience somemore wanna send letter if we dont come get on my nerves la... then i ll like 2 thank wai kit for sproutin my attention on gunbound... btw i m known as da king of noobs and john for taking painstaking patience 2 teach me bout da game.... i atleast can keep myself a live halfway through da game now...well i think u can guess i m emotional rite now well i am... its just dat sometimes u look bck and see things dat u hav known existed... yes those are truly things u take for granted... now i m in dat stage sort of i guess... i dont think i can change my past but my future is it in my hands well i still take things for granted.... well i dont know but i wish i wont.... did u know dat da whole world revolves one word'TRUST'
we trust our dad or mum or our maid 2 prepare or make our food... we trust our friends with bags when we go 2 da washroom,we trust our friends when copyin notes,we trust dat exams judges our ability in a subjecet.... hell i trust my gf with my deepest secrets... my mum trusts me 2 do better, my dad trusts me on my ability 2 reason out .... i trust them 2 take me around safely... i trust da teacher 2 instill in me da info i need... i trust da contractor 2 do hav done a good job on building where i spend my time learnin a levels
i trust da car manufacturer 2 provide me with a risk free car...
i trust da bus driver 2 bring me safely from one place 2 another...
my point....,
simple lah!when u trust some many ppl who u dont even know existed,how can u take dat for granted i know it didn occur 2 u but its a fact.... dont u think its an irony when u know some1 and say u dont trust them but give willingly ur life in da hands of total stranger bus driver who might hav been a reformed convict or an unknow serial killler dat u dont know yet about
life is so complex yet simple .... humans are confused souls dat desperately seek a way in no way out maze.... and think dat there is always a Holy grail on da other end. but dats not it... da real gift of life is life itself... rite here rite now... enjoy it ,endure it,live it 2 da fullest
hullo every one wats up mahesh is bck.... i know most of da ppl readin da blogs thinks mine is dead but dun worry d and d s bck with vengance...... u ll see mahesh with lots of changes
and hopefully it ll turn him into a better man please god
so mahesh is bck dun worry soon he'll do somethings dat ll change his personification
human-->demon
// -->well hi every1 i know its been long since i last blogged not countin dat blank one before this... stupid technology moves faster than my brains....well i guess some of my blog viewers would hav gone fed up see no real updates lately... probably ll never visit my blog no more,,, i hope those ppl i dont want readin gave up on me since its aint gonna b a fictional story anymore its gonna my stupid confession.. i m da onli child and since young i wanted attention but bein da onli child sometimes need not necessarily giv u all da attention especially when u live in a close knit family and hav a uncle who can easily pass of as ur bro,,,, especially when his da apple of da eye and ur born as da black sheep of da house.... 1st of all i love my uncle my bond btw me and him his very strong stronger than brothers could ever b.... he saved me from death,taught me some valuable and above all protected me like his own..... i truly love him but dats not all he star dazzled and outshined me in every aspect from being tough 2 humble, smart 2 spontaneous... though i live in da despair of havin not outshine him nor even come close,,,, but i still feel proud of him... after he left 2 da US i became dat talk of da town... ppl expected me 2 walk into his shoe... compare us and criticed da one person i would giv my life for...... my granny who raised me since my birth her contribution 2 my life can b considered limitless and so is her affection 2 me.... i cant bear see her feeling ashamed 4 all da acts i hav commited in front of ppl... she never should bow her head low because of me... i m such an ass made so many mistakes in life and still making... one of them is my gf kajal.... i love her v much as much i luv myself... but i broke her fragile heart not once but 2wice.. she deserves 2 b angry with me ..... even after countless explanation i know such a thing is not easy 2 comprehend and taken lightly... i just want her 2 know dat i luv her still and will never let go of dat feelin for my life.... how could i b so cruel 2 such an innocent soul who so willingly forgives me and hides her painful experiences and puts up a brave front... just 2 pacify me,,, 2 support me of my decision.... KAJAL ur ONE IN a MILLION.... i dont wanna lose u not in this lifetime... i m considered lucky 2 hav found true love so quickly but hav failed 2 grasp it when i should hav,,,, now will true love its self give me a second chance.... or will it tell me TOUGH LUCK black monkey find another moron 4 ur stupid game.... well dat up 2 my lil angel whom was so nice 2 me... its her decision wat eva she decides is right....... i just want her 2 know I LOVE YOU KAJAL......mere pyar kertha ho najal{hope it means i love u in hindi}....naan unnai kathalekiren kajal.... saya mencintai mu kajal.... wo ai nee kajal..
