spasm of a spartan(pun intended!)

lived , living ,2 live

2005-10-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

i dunno about how much can past mould a person's present n future.... mine will...i hope 2 dear god... i cant be livin a life that i cant possible feel is goin in da right direction... i hav made many mistakes... making them sins by carrying out such acts even if i know they were wrong..is it the animal in me i might never know for i fear 2 confront them... i accept them but i cant face them... for facing them puts me in the v verge of desperation and anger that will cause me 2 do something stupid... therefore i pray i can turn this around.... though turnin back clock would be more preferable but wat can a simpleton like me 2 do...2 b practical and logical was never my strong points...i worked with instincts... looks like they onli work on movies where the hero is immortal.... seein myself in a mirror doesnt reli reflect me but in turn it reflects my sins... the pain i cause 2 a great many ppl...

a memorable day i guess....

2005-09-14T04:39:00.000-07:00

u know one of those days where u go through several experiences that somehow cause u 2 do soulsearching at a superficial level.... well if u dont then dont bother u ll come across it one day.... on the otherhand 2day was one of those days for me....i have 2 admit.... at 2am i finally realised the things i took for granted in my life while doin my revision for BIO MOCKS which i know i m gonna fail.... hell i didnt know bout glycolysis till 2day morning let alone all the nervous system and da option topics.... that made me think of how unorganised and lazy i am.... not the i never realised but 2day it wuz kinda sad 2day though.... went 2 college and had my routine chem lab mishaps in the process broke a stupid glass apparatus... overshot my second titration .... then came by BIO without fail i continued my luck of the day into da mocks failing 2 ans a ten mark question.... didnt wanna irritate her with loads of my crap.... havin john next 2 me strugglin 2gether was comforting yet pathetic.... just in between this 2 melodramatic class period john , wai kit and me had our first experience of puffing.... and god did we huff and puff like hell we suck 2 much coz its our first time and kam eng was laughin his ass off!.... though we kinda did somethin stupid out of curiousity it just occured 2 me how fun was it doin things weird or stupid with ur frenz....after a long time i finally did somethin this weird with my collegemates.... we did things like this in first term where all of us were closeknitted homeboys hanging out in a six hour lan lesson... bondin together that was hell of time and only 2day i saw flashes of that once happy times i spend... mayb i m beginning 2 realise how true are wai kits words on how much we all hav changed.... yeah wai kit i m finally realising that i hav spend 2 much time forgetting who i really am and building up something whilst taking for granted somethings that are so precious..... at least were precious 2 me at one time... same thing goes for han lin sorry dude no offence... but thats the truth man we hav forgotten who are and onli show flashes of it right now... i dun wanna give examples coz i found it out and if u dont then u still hav realised wats happenin around u... were busy talkin of how we want 2 be treated by the opposite sex but do we really need so much from them...i mean y should i be distrupting my lifestyle for ppl whom care for their life and prioritise their lifestyle more.... i m talkin about myself right now.... i m not being self- centered or taking it out on anybody i m simply confessing the mistakes i hav made and feel sad over it thats it.... talking with john , recalling my past experiences i realised that how i will one day remember my past and i want somethings good 2 think about ..... i m happy i hav frenz like john,wai kit,han lin, teddy and kam eng most of the time... the teach me new things everyday ... i hope it goes bothways.... no doubt i know less then all of them in mostly everything i hope if there is a chance i can enlighten them on anything when the time comes i will do so without fail..... for my mistakes i think they ll end here! and right now.....

memories!!!!!

2005-08-30T09:23:00.000-07:00

its just weird when small things at our present brings us back 2 a memories dat are decades old....i mean no matter how long it has been its like it happened yesteryear.... i still remember how i kinda threw up on a stubborn gal who didnt wanna move in kindergarten.... fell in a ditch on the way bck from scool (best part i got a good seat al for my self...).... how i had a freak accident with a badminton racquet.... how my granny forced me 2 learn 2 ride a big BMX bike, suceeding afterwhich i was bought a TRICYCLE!....how i came bck one a auspicious day with doggy mudprints all over my scool shirt.... got slapped for that.... how i got my nickname on da first day at my secondary scool(had 2 live with dat for five years)... how i scored my first goal....luck... first free throw.... three pointer....layouts and of coz dunkin la... barely! how my scrap street soccer team reached the finals....my god... how i and fadza kept da gals guessin wat makes us funny with all the guys... how me and nick copied for our comp finals under the teachers nose... damn pro... how i trash talk with andy,vince,chris and kevin.... haha got da whole class in stitches man!!! yeah fadza those old days rite.....we thought sayfol how 2 march .... so proud when they told us 2 show em rite..... jatin and his mirrors..... chicken solution... remember da water fight.... haha well comin bck 2 wat i m talkin bout... lil things like a hair pin can make us go a long way bck.... a thing ur bro does makes u remember wat u did a long time rite.... well thats wat makes us humans... we hav the opportunity 2 treasure memories... good or bad... when remembered can give a big smile or tiny tear rite... it shows of dat little humanity in us....in this big big world where we never stop being ruthless and vicious.... i loook bck and regret of wat i hav left behind.......... but never forget it coz memories are experiences dat superficially carve our past present and future..... i know this u shoul remember dat 2.....

fame

2005-08-29T10:27:00.000-07:00

yeah dats wat i m talkin bout..... fame is humans greatest leisure and misery.....
no matter wateva it is..... u push ur self 2 the limit... so that ur the man 2 beat ... but the truth is ur not doin it for urself but for ppl 2 realise u exist... turn and hav good looook at u and admire wat u hav done..... for dat one loook of realisation ppl walk backwards from kl 2 singapore,sprain their ankles playin soccer like mad in spain,and of course publicize their 20 years difference in lovelife 2 promote their movies... seriously the things ppl 2 do fame.... would u believe if i said dat a women has married 94 times and a guy has married 104 times at the last count .... they wer so happy that they made it on newspapers.....we hav micheal jordan....struttin btw golf and bball 2 just get bck 2 da age old air nike glory days... then we hav marion jones pushin more than wat is required after we all knowin bout da doping she denies..... we hav concrete crises in the beckhingham palace after da sex scandal rows that hit a few tv channels for exhange of a few MILLIONS! we hav paris hilton the rich whore socialite who hit it big in comp screens and silver screens with a big bang (pun not intended)... seriously would u actually video ur one nights stand and sell or talk bout it on live show with Jay leno.... wat crap... i so pissed of these ppl i mean this ppl in directly affect us at superficial level.... we are given the assumption we can and must do anythin for fame...... we must push the limits existin 2 b recognised.......from the mallika sherawanth cleavage baring incidents till aamir khans premarital sex scandal.... wat world we live in ppl....haih

raising the bar....

2005-08-29T10:26:00.000-07:00

omg

2005-08-02T05:33:00.000-07:00

whoa..... wait did dat come from me

2005-08-02T05:32:00.000-07:00

bck again so soon

2005-07-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

hi ppl i m bck so soon from my latest blog well its all for da good isnt it well 2day is offically my last day of hols.... i m bck 2 college then... 1st of all i ll like 2 say sorry arial for not bringing u 2 prom..... even though its expensive like hell... and thanks for being ther for me during da hols i really appreciate u... secondly ill thank ms jaslinder 4 ruining my entire hols for havin classes then causin me 2 cancel my trip 2 singapore dat lady i swear man screws up everythin 4 her own convienience somemore wanna send letter if we dont come get on my nerves la... then i ll like 2 thank wai kit for sproutin my attention on gunbound... btw i m known as da king of noobs and john for taking painstaking patience 2 teach me bout da game.... i atleast can keep myself a live halfway through da game now...well i think u can guess i m emotional rite now well i am... its just dat sometimes u look bck and see things dat u hav known existed... yes those are truly things u take for granted... now i m in dat stage sort of i guess... i dont think i can change my past but my future is it in my hands well i still take things for granted.... well i dont know but i wish i wont.... did u know dat da whole world revolves one word'TRUST'
we trust our dad or mum or our maid 2 prepare or make our food... we trust our friends with bags when we go 2 da washroom,we trust our friends when copyin notes,we trust dat exams judges our ability in a subjecet.... hell i trust my gf with my deepest secrets... my mum trusts me 2 do better, my dad trusts me on my ability 2 reason out .... i trust them 2 take me around safely... i trust da teacher 2 instill in me da info i need... i trust da contractor 2 do hav done a good job on building where i spend my time learnin a levels
i trust da car manufacturer 2 provide me with a risk free car...
i trust da bus driver 2 bring me safely from one place 2 another...
my point....,
simple lah!when u trust some many ppl who u dont even know existed,how can u take dat for granted i know it didn occur 2 u but its a fact.... dont u think its an irony when u know some1 and say u dont trust them but give willingly ur life in da hands of total stranger bus driver who might hav been a reformed convict or an unknow serial killler dat u dont know yet about
life is so complex yet simple .... humans are confused souls dat desperately seek a way in no way out maze.... and think dat there is always a Holy grail on da other end. but dats not it... da real gift of life is life itself... rite here rite now... enjoy it ,endure it,live it 2 da fullest

mahesh is bck

2005-07-11T02:55:00.000-07:00

hullo every one wats up mahesh is bck.... i know most of da ppl readin da blogs thinks mine is dead but dun worry d and d s bck with vengance...... u ll see mahesh with lots of changes
and hopefully it ll turn him into a better man please god
so mahesh is bck dun worry soon he'll do somethings dat ll change his personification

mahesh is bck

2005-07-11T02:54:00.001-07:00

mahesh is bck

2005-07-11T02:54:00.000-07:00

mahesh:angel-->human-->demon

2005-05-29T11:33:00.000-07:00

well hi every1 i know its been long since i last blogged not countin dat blank one before this... stupid technology moves faster than my brains....well i guess some of my blog viewers would hav gone fed up see no real updates lately... probably ll never visit my blog no more,,, i hope those ppl i dont want readin gave up on me since its aint gonna b a fictional story anymore its gonna my stupid confession.. i m da onli child and since young i wanted attention but bein da onli child sometimes need not necessarily giv u all da attention especially when u live in a close knit family and hav a uncle who can easily pass of as ur bro,,,, especially when his da apple of da eye and ur born as da black sheep of da house.... 1st of all i love my uncle my bond btw me and him his very strong stronger than brothers could ever b.... he saved me from death,taught me some valuable and above all protected me like his own..... i truly love him but dats not all he star dazzled and outshined me in every aspect from being tough 2 humble, smart 2 spontaneous... though i live in da despair of havin not outshine him nor even come close,,,, but i still feel proud of him... after he left 2 da US i became dat talk of da town... ppl expected me 2 walk into his shoe... compare us and criticed da one person i would giv my life for...... my granny who raised me since my birth her contribution 2 my life can b considered limitless and so is her affection 2 me.... i cant bear see her feeling ashamed 4 all da acts i hav commited in front of ppl... she never should bow her head low because of me... i m such an ass made so many mistakes in life and still making... one of them is my gf kajal.... i love her v much as much i luv myself... but i broke her fragile heart not once but 2wice.. she deserves 2 b angry with me ..... even after countless explanation i know such a thing is not easy 2 comprehend and taken lightly... i just want her 2 know dat i luv her still and will never let go of dat feelin for my life.... how could i b so cruel 2 such an innocent soul who so willingly forgives me and hides her painful experiences and puts up a brave front... just 2 pacify me,,, 2 support me of my decision.... KAJAL ur ONE IN a MILLION.... i dont wanna lose u not in this lifetime... i m considered lucky 2 hav found true love so quickly but hav failed 2 grasp it when i should hav,,,, now will true love its self give me a second chance.... or will it tell me TOUGH LUCK black monkey find another moron 4 ur stupid game.... well dat up 2 my lil angel whom was so nice 2 me... its her decision wat eva she decides is right....... i just want her 2 know I LOVE YOU KAJAL......mere pyar kertha ho najal{hope it means i love u in hindi}....naan unnai kathalekiren kajal.... saya mencintai mu kajal.... wo ai nee kajal..

story over,mahesh comes back,his side of stories need 2 b told

2005-05-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

2005-03-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

wat happened 2 Miguel...
but 4 sure one day Miguel will come 2 realise wat has happened 2 him and resolve his pain democratically..........

fear of life...

2005-03-01T09:21:00.000-08:00

he know wat he was riskin.... but he felt stayin back in scool will not b da answer... inside him,his heart said go on ... move on. Nigel thought if anyone who knows Miguel better they ll know dat he will always follow his heart rather than his mind... no doubt Nigel knew dat Miguel was da very analytical sort... he followed his instincts... much 2 his envy Nigel was not like Miguel in dat aspect... he made decision based on wat his mood like and always ..... always regretted at leisure...even after Miguel advised time and again with valuble thoughts dat somewat always true as he found out da hard way ... time and again. Hell with it... dat was scool... da next level has come... here it didnt matter wat risk u took ... it mattered most dat u make it work... Miguel was good enough for it he was a fighter till da end never gave up... he is capable of takin da challenge but 2 fulfill it will b a diff matter ... is it up 2 it... after his failure... his ultimate downfall dat Nigel never imagined possible.... neither of them knew ...

failure.....
Nigel knew dat Miguel will never pass dat never in a million years...Miguel was da sensitive time....v personally in touch with his feelings not necessarily crying in da toilet type but u ll get da picture soon... he was da kind dat luved 2 lead ... it came naturally 4 him 2 lead his was able 2 analyse a situation very well but never knew how counter it if needed but has excellent defensive mechanisms ... dats is wat makes him a plain leader with no guts 2 do wat it takes 2 gain fame... he never 2 risk be it calculated nor uncalculated when it came 2 responsibility of others at his hand.... but as an individual he is one who u should never dare... born with a surprise element in his sleeves Miguel has steadily redefined himself 2 many of his friends and teachers in recent years from a mischvious fouled mouth seventh grader 2 a responsible tenth
grader... in da process recognising many talents and etc in him on da way....

2005-02-26T08:21:00.000-08:00

Nigel...
well here nigel... who knew all bout miguel... every single fact of miguel's life nigel knew.... and likewise... life was so close between them no one came between them...
but Nigel knew once they went 2 different colleges their friendship will b tested
they shared da same dreams off going 2 da UNITED KINGDOM ... da dream nation 4 them... but Nigel knew dat he was not strong willed lik miguel 2 make it there .... Miguel was more focused in wat he wanted... both were impatient and short tempered but miguel had somethin dat Nigel neva had "tolerance"...soon he ll go to real world like Miguel .MIGUEL was much more daring.....

beginning of a journey

2005-02-22T07:18:00.000-08:00

hi well its been a while since i wrote a story .... well now i m goin 2 write a stroy u ll determine da type of story k..... its a continuation k...

THE JUNCTION
intro
when everythin he stood 4 was lost wat will a guy do
will he walk away or stay back and scanvenge wat is left of his pride and honour
Miguel began a life like many others.... but unlike others he life was brought under da microscopic view of da ppl who are goin 2 read this blog... u decide da fairness of his action... and the reasons he gives ...

STORY:-
steppin into college was a fun thing 4 everyone ..... every guy dreams of this freedom 4rm da day he wears a secondary school uniform... he admires da swayin of single stranded bags , colourful shoes, casual styled clothes, hairstyle well below da collar and da cool image posted by each teenager in their college... Miguel was finally there....he made it...
like his predecessors he 2 had many dreams.... he wanted 2 make in life he wanted 2 reach da ultimate pinnacle of success ... he had dreams dat had no boundaries...imagination dat went wild well beyond territories....he steps each step like any other teenager without much care.... A carefree youth no doubt... Miguel was a little bit more than da... he was da onli hope of his family.... he was da apple of da eye 4 most of his family members.... not pampered but 2 protected... he was not naive... but used da experience he has and expands them till da max... ppl treat him as an innocent boy who knows nothin can be easily cheated... Dats him 2 every body ... a person dat can be easily weighed easily....but unknown 2 anyone he played by his own rules.... a cunning game of decieve and deception... he practises it freely 2 anyone except 2 one person... a person nearly da same as him in every aspect... a person whom he treated as his match earlier and carefully embraced.... his bestfriend who knows in and out of him like a dictonary.... a place 4 him 2 confide ,confess and seek advice 4rm..... NIGEL

redemption

2005-02-20T00:09:00.000-08:00

a few years ago i walked into a new school with a 3 goals..... it took me a long time 2 realise 2 of those dreams da third my greatest goal shattered without mercy .... it left me dead da old me....now i hav left my school and entered college.... da lost dream still pines my wounded heart.... it has changed me totally now i dont know who am i ... so will my friends those who know... i hav failed myself i hav failed those i led with dat dream.... nothin could ever be done 2 correct dat its gone everythin i lost myself in it ...now i die in pain.... will i redeem myself .... i dunno... its not a goal it was my honour.... lost it ....

not 2 much not, 2 little but sufficient level of amusement,anger ,frustration, sadness and happiness.....

2005-02-18T04:18:00.001-08:00

hi ppl well u know my blog is not much of a readin material... well dats just because i had nothin good like u ppl..... u ppl are so free lo... somemore i damn slow in typin wat i feel i dun feel like typin lo....anyways enouf with da naggin ... well this week was quite special 2 me finally i m back in college.....YEAH! get 2 see much of our juniors now days but do not know who s senior and junior all look older than me lo.....so much travellin its irritatin me... plus no mechanics this term its further irratin me coz dat stupid good 4 nothin jahn cheah s so bloody lazy coz me a whole damn dream of overcomin one of my ambition dat fuckin mother fucker cause me so much grief(its somethin i did not tell u guys in help about its mechanics was pretty important 4 me....) plus now linges wants 2 ciao 4rm help i hav no more indian guys 2 talk my tamil 2 ... plus naturally gonna be bored coz i wont b enlightened on tamil movie films anymore..... speakin of films 2 day i went 4 CONStantine.... its actually v interestin coz it touched on many of ancient myths and legends( my favourite) da actin and CGI was good .... but da editin screwed da pic...... or its just dat i sat 2 near 2 da screen..... oooh btw thanx 4 comin ST.JOHNs vice president..... and kajal dear bout da valentines day gifts ur welcome...... i luv u all(includin dat linges guy whos gonna leave sooon) and bout mechs i still have dat jahn cheah and wish i could kill all help insitut staff members....................

lost in times of desperation

2005-02-01T08:19:00.000-08:00

it just continues

2005-01-20T11:41:00.000-08:00

its been a long time since i lived 4 my self ...... i m livin 4 da ppl around shut out 4rm my past.... coverin my self with layers of da imaginary me so dat ppl will not know wat i hav gone through... each of hav our bad times its just human nature 2 feel ups and down.....hav failure and sucess... we walk through them... some of are good at solving them with da sole aim 2 b successful, another fraction of us just let time do da healin but a few take da drastic steps 2 put da misery away by commitin da unspeakable-suicide... its just da way we handle our lives... are we actuali up 2 it..... i hav become wat ppl want me ... wat ppl want 2 see in a person but isnt dat wat all of us do... act so dat da general public will accept us as 'normal'... so dat we belong 2 a certain group of ppl in this big world.... in fear dat we ll be isolated ... i know dat i m afraid dat i ll be alienated..

arent we picky when it comes 2 friends we onli deal with a certain types,eat certain food,hav certain way of livin ..... everything has 2 a certain way thats how it is .... but i dont hav dat any more i hav become so confused dat i dont da difference between me and my act.... who am i wat hav i become when i will i turn..... i dont know but i ll take dat path dat many take not da unspeakable some do.... i here 2 live

back again

2005-01-19T23:17:00.000-08:00

yo ppl i m back anyways since mister 1st timer is back its back for bloggin